


The Barrier

by sleepysweaters



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Letters, Love Confessions, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-14 03:05:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9157366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepysweaters/pseuds/sleepysweaters
Summary: Falling in love hurts, but falling out of love is painless.





	

Dear Kageyama Tobio,

I left my heart in a barrier. After being burned by the last person, I decided to create a fortress of solitude for it. A place where even the brightest smiles couldn’t be seen.  
It took a lot for me to build the barrier. Years of me closing myself off and chipping away at it only to be rebuilt again. My heart ached for sunlight, but I don’t think it realized how much I ached for darkness.

The feeling of being told by someone that they love you, only for them to take it back much sooner than expected; that was the feeling I absolutely despised. The dreary feeling made me yearn to go into the darkness; into solitude. My heart most likely hated me for putting it all alone, but I gave it the life I was never meant to have.

After three years of building that barrier, you destroyed it in a matter of seconds. Your smile was like the sun, and your eyes sparkled like the stars. You couldn’t be human, not with how fast you swept me off my feet. I spent years preparing myself for anyone who would come along, but yet I never expected you.

I never expected the way you would be by my side no matter what the fight was. Honestly, it’s one of my favorite things about you. Even with our rough beginnings, you came around to the idea of me and you being a team.

We’re a team. It’s weird to say that, seeing that we used to be complete opposites. I was always so happy, while you were always saturated in blue. That reminds me of the time that I told you my favorite color was blue, and you asked if it was because it’s the color of your eyes. At the time, I was embarrassed and told you no, but I was lying. Of course it’s because of your eyes and how they softened whenever I’m around, or how they look enchanted whenever you see a volleyball.

I don’t know when I fell in love with you. I just remember one day sitting next to you and feeling as if I was on top of the world. You put your hand on mine and just smiled at me. My heart exploded and I had to go to the bathroom because I got so nervous. I wanted to kiss you, to tell you how much I loved you.

It’s been months since that moment and I didn’t know what would happen after that. I thought that maybe one of us would confess because everyone told me that we were both in love. For a while, I waited. I waited until my heart stopped beating because of heartbreak.

You can only wait so long before one of you find someone else. You were the one to find someone else, because I was still waiting on you.

I don’t know how we’ve ended up here, Tobio. I don’t know where your kisses in the middle of the night went. Or your smiles after practice. I have no clue to how I’ve gotten here, writing this letter to you when you’re off with her. 

You’ve told me her name a thousand times, but I have yet to learn it. There’s no need to learn it, since I hate her. She took you away from me. She told you that I’m nothing more than a volleyball friend, but I am. Kageyama, don’t you understand that I was your first friend? It wasn’t an easy task, and I’m still fighting for it.

I love you. I love you so much, and you ignored it. Don’t say that you haven’t, because you have. Even when I confessed to you four months ago, you kissed me to shut up. I repeated it over and over, but all you did was kiss me. You kissed me till I shut up, and until I felt drunk.

Is that your tactic for things you don’t want to deal with? You kiss them till they don’t bother you anymore? You make them feel loved until something better comes along? Do you even realize the damage you did to my heart? 

I made that barrier for people like you, but you destroyed it. Ripped it to shreds and pretended to love me while doing so. I hate you for that. I hate you for a lot of the things, but I suppose that my hatred is viewed as something valuable to you.

You used to always brag about people hating you, and I never knew why. As long as I can remember, you hated being alone. Being hated usually meant being alone to you, but I guess you wanted to look tough.

So, I hate you if it’ll make you love me. I’ll hate you with everything I have if it’ll make you love me with the same force. I’ll yell and scream. Or I’ll give the cold shoulder. All I know is that any attention from you is better than what you’re giving me now.

You rarely toss to me anymore, and I rarely ask for it. You don’t even waste air on me to tell me that I’m an idiot. You don’t waste anything on me. There’s no one named Hinata Shouyou according to you, and I still don’t know how we got here.

Are your parents homophonic like mine? Do they yell at you like mine do? Are you afraid of being a disappointment? I could help you, but I know you don’t want that. You’ve completely distanced yourself from me, and made new friends.

Here is my official confession; I love you Kageyama Tobio. I’ve loved you for five months, and you sadly don’t love me. You’re dating some girl, and ignoring me while my heart stills yearns for you and sunlight. You destroyed the barrier around my heart, and then left me to fend for myself. Despite the hatred I have towards you, I still love you. Part of me cannot let go of you.

Just know that once you’re ready for me, I’ll be gone. I’ll have someone else who truly loves me, and won’t break my heart to the extent that you did. It was nice when we both loved each other, even if your love wasn’t pure. I’m just glad that I got two months of happiness from you, and it’s okay if I never have any more memories with you.

Farewell Kageyama, and good luck with being in love with someone else. I really do hope that everything works out for you in the end.

Sincerely,  
Hinata Shouyou

**Author's Note:**

> this is the first thing I've written in months, and boy did I put my entire heart into it.


End file.
